Contemplating Divorce? Should I Stay or Should I Go?

sign post- lost, uncertaine confused about whether to divorce

Contemplating Divorce?

When it comes to deciding whether to stay married or whether to separate or divorce, your thoughts and emotions are likely to go back and forth many times as you  feel both overwhelmed and uncertain about what you should do.

What are your options when it comes to figuring out if you’ll be better off staying or going? How long will it take before you know which decision is the right  one for you?

Therapist and Author Susan Pease Gadoua takes on these challenging questions you face in her book, “Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go.” In the interview below, Susan shares about what her book covers and why making the decision to divorce can take many people months and even years as they waver back in forth in indecision.

In her many years of working as a therapist with couples who are trying to decide whether to stay married, separate or divorce– the ambivalence, confusion and pressures to make a decision that holds so many far-reaching consequences often causes mental, emotional and physical exhaustion that  ends up affecting the entire family.

She shares examples of real-life couples’ case histories to show how both women and men can get stuck in various parts of the Marital Dissolution Cycle which she describes and outlines into 3 separate stages in her book.

What can you do if you are unsure whether to stay married, separate or divorce?

Knowing what your options are and speaking confidentially with someone who understands both the legal and emotional sides of divorce is essential when it comes to getting the support and guidance you can benefit from as you make what is one of the most pivotal decisions in your life.

Please let me know your thoughts in the Comments Section below.


  1. It is best for both parties to speak to someone who isn’t emotionally involved. The problem is becoming more widespread with each passing year.

  2. Thanks for being a resource for a very tough topic, Nancy. Starting to figure out the complex issues of our most important relationship is vital; it is foundational to all of our other relationships. Keep up the great work of providing these important resources!

  3. Making the decision to leave was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But now looking back months later, I feel better about me now than I did then. I made the right decision.

  4. Hi Nancy,
    I think a big factor is the practical problems of finding somewhere to live, sorting out stuff. The fear of having those things loom can delay a decision for a long time!

  5. Willing to do the work? Susan Gadoua asks the hardest question to answer especially in the midst of anger and sadness. And I’m not sure you can know what the work is … and tolerate the pain and intensity of the work that needs doing.

    Thanks for this post on the process of deciding to stay or to go.

    Kate (UBC)